tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post8332017452263630936..comments2024-03-09T07:12:21.520-08:00Comments on The Poetry Daily Critique: "Rain of Statues" by Sarah Lindsey — Poetry Daily, April 21, 2014A.E.M. Baumannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01645522810843138721noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post-13123690525404082992014-05-06T12:55:42.218-07:002014-05-06T12:55:42.218-07:00(Just to say, I do recognize I put a superfluous c...(Just to say, I do recognize I put a superfluous comma in the rewrite in my first comment, there. I write this because it's too late to edit it.)A.E.M. Baumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01645522810843138721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post-74807344067790360432014-05-06T06:42:16.989-07:002014-05-06T06:42:16.989-07:00The second half of your comment has me laughing I ...The second half of your comment has me laughing I think a little too hard.A.E.M. Baumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01645522810843138721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post-40923485163463550532014-05-05T22:23:32.906-07:002014-05-05T22:23:32.906-07:00"Our general was elsewhere, and we drowned&qu..."Our general was elsewhere, and we drowned" at least puts a cause-effect relationship between the two halves of the line. I've read enough military history to know that the line (as revised above) is true enough.<br />R S Gwynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04892623903716767609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post-45382852770191020032014-04-24T07:33:27.657-07:002014-04-24T07:33:27.657-07:00If I wanted to write what you said there, though, ...If I wanted to write what you said there, though, would I not write:<br />"The general was elsewhere, and we drowned." ?<br /><br />What you are saying is that there is a causal link between the two, so you use an "and" conjunction. (Which is the nearly what a semi-colon does. You could also use "so," or "because" at the beginning of the first phrase.) <br /><br />Using "but" does not do that. "But" works (mostly) to the opposite, saying, "<em>despite the fact</em> that and general was not there, we still drowned." A.E.M. Baumannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01645522810843138721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3409762275555781626.post-30316283999132213442014-04-23T10:52:54.768-07:002014-04-23T10:52:54.768-07:00There is another reading. The general was elsewher...There is another reading. The general was elsewhere because he didn't think he needed to be there. He didn't need to oversee the voyage. But he was wrong. Without him, they drowned. Linushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03829761254168424142noreply@blogger.com