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Friday, February 8, 2013

"Eviction Notice" by Dan Gerber -- Verse Daily, 2/8/13

from Sailing Through Cassiopeia (Copper Canyon Press)
poem found here

first lines:
The spider from the rug suddenly
Wondered where he was


line breaks

-- edited 5/23/13
-- reformatted 12/10/2013


There's a couple of moments in this poem worth exploring, commenting on, critiquing: the "suddenly" in the first line (rhythm and semantics); whether line three needs desperately to be deleted as cheap gimmick; whether the "on" in "on which" is incorrect; possible syntax problems. But I will limit myself to line breaks, considering the post on today's Poetry Daily offering, below. The two poems create a great compare/contrast, worth the reader's exploration.

This poem has very strong, very punched line breaks, and pretty much on every line. It has the effect of making every line distinct (especially in that every line is a single, simple phrase), and it is difficult for me not to put near-emphatic pauses between the lines. A very different effect that goes to amping up a touch the humor of the last lines. Is it wholly successful? I don't think it wholly successful: the lines are too punchy to me. But, perhaps, that is more a result of the other clumsinesses in the poem. (I can't quite decide as of yet.)

Nonetheless, the poem makes for interesting exploration set beside "Nostalgia™," on Poetry Daily (subject of my post previous). Totally different approach to line endings: subtle manipulation there versus hammer-like pounding here. Not saying one is better than the other: that would be absurd, as the question of success of either approach lies wholly within the poem at issue. But interesting contrast nonetheless, worth contemplating.

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